I hate this feeling of helplessness that I always come across. Now matter how many days, weeks, months or years go by I always find myself hitting the same wall over and over again. I mean, how many times have I wrote about this problem here? Millions, perhaps. So many times that I'm surprised that people haven't given up on me.
I need to do art, I want to, and then when I get that feeling that makes me go, "Yeah I can do it!" I just fall back into the same lazy pattern that I've gotten accustomed to. Where I just can't be bothered to pick up a pencil, let alone look at a blank page. Why can't I just keep that enthusiastic part of myself running for more than just a day? What happened to the time where I just loved to draw and kept doing it day after day? I've always dreamed of doing art, of becoming a good artist one day, but something is holding me back...
Truth is, I really don't know what that "something" is.
Is it because of the lack of tutor? Guidance? Someone to help me each step of the way? Sure I did a hell of a lot more art when I was doing it for my GCSE's, and did many pictures when I was applying for uni. Or is it my lack of self-confidence? Skill? What the hell is holding me back? D: Whenever I listen to music or watch a film I find myself daydreaming, yet I never seem to put my ideas to paper even though they're still stuck in my head. Why? Why can't I just draw?
I wish that someone was there to help me with this, to point me in the right direction, and actually help me overcome this once and for all. I'm sick and tired of this feeling... But I don't want to force myself into it either like I did before.
Which makes me think: What if my talent isn't in art? What if it's in something else? ... But then I have nothing else because art was the only thing I loved for the whole of my life ;_;
Wow I sound like such an idiot.